8 ~ The Mirror
For a submissive, Alexxia was anything but timid. It really didn’t matter whether she was or wasn’t a submissive. She took on the role for her own purposes, and beyond that, Alexxia wasn’t about to let anyone tell her what to do or think. She’d give them a royal piece of her mind if they even tried.
That’s why the mirror bugged her. She couldn’t very well tell an object where to get off, but that didn’t stop it from renting space in her head even as she fussed with the chore of straightening up the bedroom. She half heartedly picked up odds and ends but with great deliberateness, Alexxia glanced — and with no small annoyance — in the direction of the long bank of windows along which stood the full-length mirror as quiet as a sentinel. It bore a penetrating, relentless eye that didn’t seem to miss a thing. What it guarded, Alexxia didn’t have a clue. It was an ornately framed creation…an artifact from some time and place Alexxia couldn’t distinguish. It stood large with its full length of glass achnored elaborately into a scrolling stand. Thereabouts midway around the framing, Alexxia spotted a peculiar opening or locking mechanism…peculiar in that it was on a mirror; additionally strange in that it seemed to be in want of a key. She frowned a bit as she continued to scrutinize that mechanism as if she were sorting through a puzzle. She moved closer and studied it from all angles. Maybe she had been there all along; maybe she hadn’t…but eventually Alexxia noticed with a start that the reflection of a woman stared back. Invariably that reflection wasn’t one Alexxia recognized as her own. You see, this had happened before, more than once or twice in fact, as fate or luck or something would have it. You would think Alexxia would have grown accustomed to it by now, but no. She hadn’t. It still unnerved her to see a complete stranger of a woman staring back at her from inside the mirror. She — Alexxia, that is — grumbled silently — something she had been doing all the along since the discovery a few days ago of this thing, as she referred to it in the quiet recesses of her thoughts — and all the while as she grumbled silently, the black haired beauty standing full forward in the thing stared back directly at her, right past all of Alexxia’s redheadness.
She decided that this must be master’s doing, putting a mirror such as this in their chambers…one that displayed this amazing looking creature and no doubt also displayed an endless assortment of women who, Alexxia reasoned, must be summoned purely to stand naked before him for his viewing pleasure. At least, that’s what Alexxia believed the purpose of the mirror to be. And she assumed her master sat on the bed, right on the very edge, right on the very corner of the bedspread that she currently smoothed and that he watched — of course casually, almost indifferently — as a long parade of skin and jiggling parts danced by. A long parade of many…or a long parade of this ebony beauty, she wasn’t sure. Truthfully, Alexxia had yet to actually verify that any of this was, in fact, the case. She couldn’t very well ask Master, even if he permitted it, because of late Master had been nowhere to be found. And the facts that presented themselves to Alexxia right now didn’t include a long parade or bevy of beauties prancing by for anyone’s enjoyment. Right now, only the black haired exotic female with her glistening brown skin and penetrating cocoa eyes stared back into the chamber. Stared decidedly back at Alexxia…as if waiting for Alexxia to sit on the very corner of the bedspread that she had stopped smoothing…as if waiting for Alexxia to blink…as if waiting for Alexxia to tell her what to do.
“What do you want,” Alexxia asked at last. It was more a statement, less a question. She grew increasingly annoyed at the dominating silence put forth by the gorgeous creature in the mirror. And did she really have to be so spectacularly stunning, Alexxia marveled in her mind.
“I am here to help you,” the statuesque beauty said finally. “Statuesque” in that she seemed to be actually as tall as Alexxia, although neither her ankles or her feet showed in the reflection but that was due to the limitations of the mirror’s oval shape and the fact that its lower most curve ended a full foot off of the ground with the entire object held up by the scrolling stnad.
Alexxia chortled. She had half a mind to be stunned by the fact that the beauty in the mirror could talk but the other half of her mind — the more stubborn half — anchored itself in annoyance. She may be a submissive but she allowed only those of her choosing to have any power over her. And this chick in the mirror wasn’t one of Alexxia’s choosing.
“You’re here for Master…I fail to see how you could possibly be of any help or interest to me. …and who are you, anyway?”
“I’m here for you, actually.” Her words came out long and slow, and suffered from no lack of impact.
“Who are you?”
“How do you mean?”
“Do you have a name?” All beauty and no brains, Alexxia scoffed.
“I am called whatever you choose to call me,” she answered simply.
“Let me see if I have this straight. You’re here for me. And you can be called only by me. Is that it?”
“Please,” Alexxia laughed nervously (but she would never admit it) through what was quietly becoming mounting confusion, “don’t be ridiculous. None of this can be at all right.”
“Oh?” the exotic beauty in the mirror raised her tamed black eyebrows. Her wild black hair fell in long, thick tumbles of curls around her head, shoulders, and back. Her cocoa eyes sparkled softly. Her moist brown skin glowed with a soft irridescence. Her ruby plump lips spread into a gentle smile. “Actually…this is the only way it can be. This is the way it simply must be. I am here for you. And you need to come with me now. That is…if you wouldn’t mind.” Then she did a most peculiar thing. She reached her toned and supple arm forward and in doing so, it somehow extended itself through the mirror, far enough past the ornate framing and the mysterious locking mechanism. Far enough indeed that her arm entered the space of Alexxia’s bedroom chamber and presented her hand to the submissive, reaching out with palm open toward Alexxia, beckoning her to step through the looking glass.
No, “Alice” wasn’t the name of the exotic beauty in the mirror. And Alexxia wasn’t about to go hunting any rabbits. And yet. She found herself putting the bedspread down. She found herself straightening up and turning her body to face the mirror directly. She hesitated for a moment, her mind working but on what she didn’t know. It hadn’t told her yet. She counted on the fact that eventually it would. At least, that was a hope that she clung to.
“It will,” the exotic beauty confirmed.
Alexxia’s eyes widened. She was surprised and somehow not, all at the same time. She stared at the brown creature, hair flowing, eyes encouraging, body confidently relaxed. The woman in the mirror smiled then, feeling Alexxia’s curiosity sweep over her and she extended her hand even deeper into the room until at last Alexxia took it.
Alexxia moved quietly forward not knowing why she did, not knowing what she would find. When she stepped over the threshold of the frame and slipped one of her feet across the barrier — half in, half out — she said to the ebony woman who was leading her down this unknown path, “Wisdom…your name. If it is for me to name you, then it’s Wisdom.”
Or at least, I hope it is, Alexxia prayed in her mind. She lifted her other foot from the floor of the bedroom chamber and slipped it over the mirror’s frame, and then, for a moment that seemed like seconds, the world went neutral.
She had been here before, Alexxia had. In this place. It was momentarily blank…maybe it was permanently encased in a backdrop of neutrality. Somehow Alexxia sensed that was true but couldn’t seem to confirm it because where she found herself was nondescript. It was almost floaty, but not ethereal and not without substance. Wisdom walked in front of Alexxia, compelling her to step forward. In silence, they walked deeper into the growing neutrality, without seeing, without feeling the ground or anything around them, but somehow still feeling their own weight. It was as if for the moment a curtain was waiting to lift. She didn’t know who was going to lift the curtain but somehow didn’t believe it would be Wisdom to raise the veil…even though it would make perfect sense for someone named wisdom to do so. The thing was, Wisdom didn’t seem to experience a veil in need of lifting, Alexxia realized suddenly. Besides that, her hands were otherwise occupied with gently leading forward Alexxia, who seemed with each step to be feeling gravity pulling at her from the world that she came from outside of the mirror. It possessed a great deal of density after all; this world of the neutral was far more sparse. There was nothing to distract, in fact. Which was somehow unsettling to Alexxia.
She asked at last, “where are we going?”
“In search of your Master,” Wisdom said without so much as a backward glance. She moved like a swirl of hot chocolate in a cup, Wisdom did and looked delicious enough to drink up in one gulp. Stunning creature who appeared perfectly elegant and naturally, accessibly regal in all of her nudity. Alexxia veered her gaze away from the exotic beauty and allowed her eyes to wander through the void…only it wasn’t a void. Into the neutrality, then, but not really that either because the place was weighted with meaning. Yet there was nothing at this moment, in these seconds, for Alexxia to discern, nothing for her to yet describe. Wisdom was perhaps the only distraction — no, Alexxia edited her thought…Wisdom was perhaps the only focal point in this entire place, on this journey to find her master.
“What makes you think he’s here?”
“Ah,” Wisdom’s voice smiled from ahead. Ahead, a light shone further down and created a depth of field around itself. Suddenly, Wisdom adjusted course and with her bare feet, softly padded out a path to the light while gently pulling Alexxia in tow. As they walked, she replied, “So Master is a he, then, in this instance?”
“In this…what?” Before Alexxia could finish the question, they had come to a stop, the two of them, right into the heart of the light. Had they really walked that fast, Alexxia wondered, but did it really matter if they had? She stared into the light, transfixed. Wisdom gazed at the light along side her now but Wisdom looked with somehow much more innate understanding, which could have bugged Alexxia if she had allowed herself to feel as though she hadn’t been clued in. Instead, Alexxia felt more comforted than not (although not by much) to know that between the two of them, at least one of them seemed to have their wits about them. Somehow Alexxia knew Wisdom could be counted on each and every time to have her wits about her. The same could not be said for Alexxia, whose mind currently gaped at what she witnessed. He was…well…she was…well…how could Alexxia put this? It was not an “it”…no…but it was neither clearly a He nor a She. He/She was entirely sexual, of both persuasions. He/She was entirely formidable and for Alexxia more than a little offputting to put it mildlly. The being who towered before both Alexxia and Wisdom and who filled the entire light that shone within the neutrality was a powerful, huge, muscular sinewy strikingly beautiful creature with arms as thick and as carved as a boxer’s, with thighs as sculpted and as wide as a bodybuilder’s. His back was packed wide with strength and fierceness; her chest voluptuously overflowing and inviting. His hips were pinioned tightly and forcefully; her buttocks Rubenesque yet a well synchronized presentation of all her fullness. His muscles cording together densely throughout; her fibers shimmering in unison under soft milky white skin. They moved quietly together, in perfect unison together, He and She did. Neither led the other instead they filled the space they moved within as One.
Alexxia stared, all the while blatantly and impolitely stripping their wholeness down to their distinct and seemingly conflicting elements. The thigh region was of particular interest and protested in stark contrast to the breast area. Alexxia continued her visual assualt; her eyes exploited the creature’s body, selfishingly groping it for some individual sense of meaning. She should be ashamed at herself for classifying, even objectifying so, but could she help herself, could she stop herself from doing otherwise? Could anyone other than Wisdom or one possessing Wisdom stop themselves from doing otherwise? Then suddenly, Alexxia felt Wisdom whispering in her ear.
“Put the examination aside…you’re drawing attention to yourself, dear.”
After all…not even a He/She erotic warrior amazon seductress liked being felt up when it was unwanted. That it was a visual grope, mattered not one iota. By a sheer energy that broadcasted itself as nothing other than a force of nature, the eyes of the warrior seductress commandeered Alexxia’s vision up squarely to his/her face.
His jaw was slender yet firm, much like the contours of his face; Her lips were full and ruby red like the juiciest of berries begging to be suckled. His eyes fired off intensity; Her eyes glistened beautifully. Their scalp was nearly completely bald except for a tribal tattoo that chased either side of a tightly cropped mohawk down the back of their head. The warrior amazon seductress filled the neutrality with each long, powerful, quiet stride in the direction toward Alexxia and Wisdom. Wisdom nodded her head and eyes in greeting and smiled at the fast-approaching creature. Alexxia, on the other hand, whistled in her breath and tried to remember to exhale.
It was in that moment, that Alexxia found the warrior amazon seductress squared off, standing directly in front of her…in fact towering directly over her. The creature raised its massive arm, but Alexxia stared all the while into her eyes, trembling quietly inside. Then the creature extended his/her hand out, palm up and delicatedly gestured toward Alexxia: “You need to remember to breathe in the world around you.”
She barely recognized her own voice. It traveled a long distance and was weighed down with baggage from a place far beyond the weirdness of the neutrality in the mirror world. Her vioice came from a place overloaded with ritual and prescribed behaviors, sometimes overwhelmed by understanding and beliefs that were natural and sometimes that were forced upon it; oftentimes deafened by shouts at understanding and beliefs that had been refused. Her voice traveled from a place paved and constructed by its own language…neither right (although often mistakening itself to be right) nor wrong nor anything but the accepted or chosen rule of the land.
She cleared her throat; an awful lot had travelled through her vocal chords. She repeated, her voice a bit more centered now that it understood its familar habit: “Yes, Master.”
The brows of the warrior flexed. He tucked his massive arm silently back into his thick, powerful side. Her breasts glistened in the light and offered comfort. Alexxia shook the dichotomy out of her mind, or tried to enough to hear the warrior say in quiet rumble, “I’m not the Master.” Then he flexed his giant thighs, punched his weight through his legs into the ground, lunged into the air and unleashed destruction in every part of the room that tried to contain him.
It was at once a room filled with nothing but light and an unleashed raging beast of a soul. It was at once a room overrun by a war zone with the warrior amazon seductress the only combatant on a bloody field. It was at once a room engulfed in flames marred by backdraft explosions as the warrior amazon seductress raged on in a fight against his/her own demons. It was a room that was at once each of these things. It was a room that was at once all of these things together until suddenly it was as if the room picked its battle. Suddenly, then, all the chaos fell away. Suddenly, then it was at once a room filled only with a boxing ring that was consumed by the warrior-amazon as she/he stalked the boxing cage like a rabid animal, frothing at the mouth, pummeling his fists on the ropes, beating the air and breath into submission, revving herself up for battle…with no opponent present. And still he spun his head toward the two women, now dwarfed by the intensity in the room. He glared at Alexxia with such ferocity that she stumbled back, nearly falling under her own legs, and then he launched himself into attack. Her weakness was enough to provoke him into a snarling attack that propelled his massive body over the ropes and full force toward her.
“Why are you so angry with me,” she yelped in near hysteria. She backpedalled chaotically even as Wisdom caught her by the arm while she flailed about trying to flee.
“In the absence…” the warrior amazon seductress snarled; his-her body dominated the view; his-her breath punctured the miniscule space between their faces, “in the absence…I fill the void.”
She wrestled Wisdom’s grip, yanking and prying the exotic’s fingers open to release her arm. “Don’t be afraid,” the naked beauty hushed sternly to Alexxia who seemed capable of doing nothing more than letting her sensibilities give way to an incredulous expression. Here was a snarling herculian amazon warrior positively foaming at the mouth and lunging like a full on pride of lions at her, somehow not yet mauling her, somehow not breaking free from that bizarre room, but my god that room couldn’t hold the beast for long. My God, Alexxia panicked, that freaking bizarre room with its magical barrier wouldn’t contain this fury and when it didn’t, then what? “Don’t be afraid?” Was that the best Wisdom could offer? With statements like those at times like these, Alexxia questioned how deeply Wisdom’s knowledge really went, but the truth of the matter was that it wasn’t as if Alexxia really had the luxury of questioning anything at all at this moment, at times like these. This beast wanted nothing more than to tear her apart, she was certain of it. She could just about feel its breath peeling her skin back. Alexxia whipped her arm free out of Wisdom’s hold and immediately fell back onto her heels before she fell flat onto her ass. She scuttled wildly on the bottomless ground of the neutrality (such that a bottomless ground was) for traction. She clawed frantically for leverage; she scraped hysterically for movement; she thrashed wildly for a pathway back out of the mirror world and into a reentry of a world with rules that she understood all too well, whether or not they reflected her own beliefs and dreams. The point was she understood those rules…and these rules in this place, well, she didn’t have the least bit of a handle on.
Yet something now had a handle on her.
“Stand up…stand up!” a voice, a small tiny voice crept into her mind.
“Stand up…stand now!” the voice pleaded in a small tiny way with small tiny hands that fumbled along Alexxia’s back and arms, and a small tiny body covered in a pink dress that rustled over her small tiny form as it bent up and poured onto and pushed at Alexxia to get up.
“What good is going backwards? What good is running away?” came the little voice from the lips of a babe with a tiny little face that was framed with a tangle of wild and carefree curls.
“Such an intelligent child,” Wisdom murmurred and she smiled and nodded at the child with admiration and respect.
“Where did you come from” Alexxia coughed out in shock. Her thoughts raced in a battle against the absurdity of everything in this world, where people large and small seemed to appear at random, and rooms seemed to morph into a series of situations individually and simultaneously.
“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!!”
Those four words hurled themselves out from the end of a wild shout and landed squarely between her eyes, nearly knocking her out from all the velocity of a right hook. She bobbed and folded over and stumbled more deeply onto herself until at last she could no longer fend off the child who remained determined and insisted that Alexxia move forward. Through all of her might, the child pulled the adult up onto her feet and into her legs. When she stood, she stood gasping for air as if her lungs had just labored to carry her body up the side of a mountain. Her torso folded over. Her hands slapped on the top of her bended knees. Her breath bullied its way into and out of her lungs. Complete dismay shoved its way in and out of her eyes. She stared at the rosy cheeked little girl whose hair was a tangle of curly locks and who stood as a massive tower of strength in this place in spite of her tiny size. Alexxia volleyed her eyes to the exotic beauty Wisdom in all her naked glory, who stood silently statuesque like a sentinel observing — protecting what Alexxia still couldn’t say but she knew she just somehow knew that all along Wisdom carried thoughts and clarity and insight unspoken and all throughout her gorgeous being, just as surely as she had carried them to this very place. It wasn’t all that long ago that they stared at each other with nothing but a mirror frame between them, but in that short space of time and place where things made little sense, they made even less sense now in this mirror world.
“WHERE ARE YOU?!!! NOW!!!!”
The words reverberated in her ears. God, could she even possibly have recognized that voice? With a fright, Alexxia’s sudden realization seized her and held her entire being hostage. She was terrified to look at the source of the screaming, but at last she did. There, on the groundless ground lay a lithe figure who wore nothing but a body suit and a jester’s hat. Her body crumbled helplessly under the bruising weight of the warrior amazon seductress. The warrior straddled the jester, clutching the fool by the throat, snarling with murderously serious intent at the appearance of the frivolous. The jester flailed under the force of the warrior’s grip. The bells on her hat chimed out a cheerful tone in stark contrast to the wild side to side thrashing of her head. Her hands and arms slapped pointlessly at the warrior’s torqued grip. The greater the jester struggled the less she could breathe until at last her head lay motionless, her eyes burning a hole into Alexxia’s wide-eyed terror stare as the jester sputtered out, “Where…where…are…you…now…”
She had been in this place before, Alexxia had, but she had been alone in this place before. Not recognizing various elements that she should have known so intimately, even without the help of a very wise child. And yet, she was in this place now again, Alexxia was, with a very wise child tugging Alexxia forward by one hand and being tugged forward with the other hand by an exotic ebony beauty with luminous skin who carried within her all the wisdom in the world. The warrior growled fiercely as they approached. The child smiled innocently, her face level with the monster who had thrust her knee into the jester’s stomach. Their eyes fluttered: the child’s, the warrior’s, the jester’s, the sage. Even Alexxia’s. And at once, the warrior loosened her death grip, eased her knee out of the jester, who suddenly rolled over and onto the warrior amazon seductress and began telling her a series of really awful ridiculous incredibly –yes, even painfully — bad jokes. Things had gone from murderous to ludicrous within the span of what felt to Alexxia like hours but she knew in reality — if she could even call this place reality — that mere minutes only had passed. The jester babbled on, delivering one weak punch line after another, pummelling her opponent to the ground with one failed attempt at humor after another, and the warrior moaned and groaned as if in agony, rolling her eyes back into her head and rolling them forward again from the sides. Her head thrashed from east to west and back again as if in torment. Her eyes pleaded first with the child, then with Wisdom, finally with Alexxia, who frowned in a rather ticked off way at the entire scene not having the first idea what to make of any of this. She had gone from the utlimate in fear to lunacy, what reaction could anyone expect.
“Where…where…” the warrior nearly whispered in defeat, “…where are you…now?” The Jester stood on the warrior’s heaving chest, her bells chimed as her feet flattened the warrior’s breasts to a pulp, and all the while the Jester continued her painful schtick, every now and again — much more “now” than an occasional ‘again” — playing the snare drums as an exclamation point for her punchline, until finallyshe broke stride from her stand up routine, turned her cheeky grin toward the three who stood watch over this spectacle, focused her gaze with laser like accuracy on Alexxia and said, “I step in to fill the void in the absence of.”
The jester cackled, her toothy grin spread wide like a manic clown, and Alexxia put her foot down. Hard. And the Jester, the warrior, the exotic ebony beauty, and the child all thrust a foot down in that same moment. And just as hard.
“Now, wait just a minute,” Alexxia threatened emptily. She thrust a finger out as if she had any authority, as if she were accusing and judging and sentencing. And the Jester, the warrior, the exotic ebony beauty, and the child all thrust a finger out as if they had any authority. As if they were accusing and judging and sentencing.
The warrior pushed the Jester off of her chest.
“Get off of me for a minute.”
The warrior stood, towering head and shoulders over everyone but doing so elegantly, if fiercely.
“Don’t you get it yet? Do you understand yet?” Her voice was calm.
Alexxia shook her head. “I don’t think I’ve understood much at all from the moment I got here.”
“In the absence of a master,” the child repeated slowly watching as the words sunk in, “I step in to fill the void.” Then the child, the Jester, the ebony beauty, the amazon seductress fighter all stared at Alexxia, who hesitated…yes her thoughts hiccupped, but eventually she replied, “What are you saying…that I am the master?”
“Precisely that, yes. And even more. We are all part of you. We are all aspects of you. We are here to help you, to express what you need, to view life the way you see it, to protect you, to challenge you. And if you don’t listen, well, then we grow louder, we grow bigger, we become more exaggerated until we get your attention,” the child explained.
“You tried to attack me, why?” Alexxia asked the warrior. “Are you telling me it was to get my attention? You scared the shit out of me.”
“To cause you to stand up and be strong, to cause you to overcome your fear.”
“And you? Why are you here?” she faced the Jester.
“To help you to not take yourself so seriously.”
The child replied before she was even asked: “To remember a beginner’s mind. Play. Joy. Open heartedness. Wonder.”
“Isn’t it obvious,” Wisdom said, fanning her hands out down along the sides of her gorgeous body. She paused for effect before clarifying: “To strip yourself of everything. To challenge you to have the power to be,” Wisdom said, then added, “With the added bonus that I’m just incredibly hot.”
“Um…I thought I was the one who was supposed to have the punch lines,” the jester said.
“What can I say,” Wisdom replied. “I guess you’ve rubbed off of me a little. Afterall, we all live in the same place. But seriously folks what I mean when I say in jest — well, kind of jest,” she winked slyly, “that I’m incredibly hot is the importance of a healthy sense of love for self and others. That’s why I smile at you all the time from inside the mirror, from inside your very own reflection.”
Alexxia sat on the edge of the bed. She had been here before, Alexxia had. In this place…this complex person that she is. And while she dwelled there and listened to all what amounted to a number of her vantage points, she had to admit to all of herself that storybook types of conclusions tend to be a little too neat and tidy for her to accept outright…particularly when they wrapped things up in such a controlled way in the context of a life that was typically never very neat and never very tidy. If one was lucky, life was filled instead with a great deal of learning, usually from places of unknowing, great and small unknowings from oftentimes great and small uncontrollably messy places. Quite the opposite of the very orderily, very controlled environment in which Alexxia lived with the person she had always thought of as her Master.
She smiled for a moment, gazing back at her reflection in the ornate mirror that faced the edge of the bed…the spread on which Alexxia had previously been smoothing, meticulously so. She smiled for moments more. She grabbed the edge of the bedspread and mussed it unto itself. For a moment, perhaps even longer, it seems the Master has be found. For a moment, maybe even longer still, perhaps even the Master could learn.
Nanowrimo10 total word count: 5,093. Total wordcount to date: 21,308 of 50,000 (not including this notation…some concepts don’t develop as nicely as I’d like them to and still I post those entries I’m not quite satisfied with because it’s a healthy part of the process in my view. Fran Lebowitz said (paraphased from the HBO documentary “Public Speaking”) that she is afraid of nothing but instead reserves all her fear for writing. Even though her talent is far beyond mine, I totally get what she means about writing. )